Parenting Helps
By Lori Schoessler
WORK ON YOU
One of the best things that you can do for your child is to work on YOU. Work on your marriage, cleaning skills, organizing, cooking, your patience, and free yourself from past issues and wounds. You may ask how to tackle this task on top of work, getting the kids into any semblance of order, and feeding everyone.
SUCCESS starts on Sunday! In Hebrews 10:25, God tells us to go to church. If there are two services on Sunday, go to BOTH services. God requires a tenth of our money. God also requires a portion of our week. Set that day aside and give it to God. It is NOT a "down time" day for you. It is God's day, and He tells us to give it to Him and keep it holy. The rest of our week will be better. Watch and see.
Next, read magazines, watch instructional TV shows, get a better cookbook, or take a class that will enrich your marriage or help you to HEAL from past wounds. If you feel you have no wiggle room in your schedule to improve yourself, write down your activities and how much time they take, in order to see where the time wasters are. It takes humility to seek new and better ways to do things.
Lastly, live on PURPOSE. As you plan, pray and ask the Holy Spirit for a better way to do things. Pray in the Spirit during your day and expect Him to give you new and better ideas. Say a scripture throughout the day and expect your life to change for the better.
Life takes maintenance. Maintenance takes DISCIPLINE. We can't expect our children to rise to greatness when we stay where we are at, make excuses, and complain about life. We must be the godly examples that our children need us to be. Make clear footprints for them to follow and make sure those prints lead to God. Bite the bullet. Work on YOU.
AM I HELPING?
It's HARD watching our children live through difficult seasons. Perhaps they are getting made fun of at school or struggling in a certain subject. Maybe their mouth keeps getting them in trouble, and now the teacher has put them in "that" category. Maybe they are entering into a new stage, and the rules are uncertain.
We play a huge role in their success. The first thing we need to do is to check OUR ATTITUDE. Are we bashing that bratty little girl who makes our precious little one's day a nightmare? Are we getting mouthy about the teacher? Do we ask our kids to live at standards that we, as adults, struggle with?
Our kids are watching us. They will take their CUES from us. As hard as it is, we really need to love the unlovely. It is fine - no, it's necessary - to understand the pain your child is experiencing at the moment. Say things like, "Yeah, I totally understand how you feel," OR "You're right, it's no fun, and I'm sorry." This helps your child know you are not a robot, devoid of emotion. But we don't want to STAY there. Begin asking your child what he or she can do to help the situation. Find some solutions that agree with the Bible and your family's code of honor and go from there.
Here are some other things that can be done:
• Check in often with your children, without nagging.
• Pray with them.
• If the first solution didn't work, keep brainstorming. This empowers the child to become a problem solver.
• Walk through "What if..." situations with them.
• Remind them of their value, not only to you but also to God.
• Be real. Cut out the "religious talk" and use words that anybody can understand.
• Lastly, make sure you are consistently being a good example. If you miss the mark, apologize to your child and begin again.
WILL THIS SEASON EVER END?
I know...I have been there. You are in the training season with your toddler. Or the testing season with your 12-year-old. Or the transition season with your 19-year-old. Each season seems indefinite in its duration. Each one seems eternal in its consequences.
One thing that helps is making up your mind to BE in that stage. Too often, parents grit their teeth, white knuckle it, and hope for the season to pass. This creates an anxiety all of its own. Those people speak of the future as a magical place filled with frolicking, fluffy animals in a pastel world. "When this season is over and my toddler is magically fixed, I'll be able to ______ (fill in the blank)." Their child will not magically be "fixed" or trained. It takes time.
When you make up your mind and dig in your heels, something changes within you. When you begin to have the attitude, "I am in this season, and I am going to be consistent, have a good attitude, and build something good and godly with my child, AND I don't care if we are here for the REST OF OUR LIVES....I will persevere!", something inside you switches. This season no longer has impatient anxiety. You are no longer looking toward the horizon. You are now focused on the task at hand, and things get done.
That toddler learns you are serious and you set the rules, not them. That 12-year-old finds that you have good ideas and you're pretty smart. That 19-year-old wants to be your friend and invites you into his or her daily life. It will happen when you are IN these seasons and not trying to escape these seasons. Come on parents, you can do it!